Cycle Breaking
My Story: What inspired Two Arms Full
Embracing Motherhood
I never envisioned myself as a mother. Coming from a turbulent familial background, the prospect of starting a family seemed daunting. My relationship with my own mother was complex, to say the least, and I harbored fears of perpetuating similar patterns. Doubt clouded my desires, and the thought of inadequacy loomed large.
The unexpected revelation of my infertility, a POI (Premature Ovarian Insufficancy) diagnoses in my early 30’s though served as a catalyst for profound introspection. Without having even actively pursued parenthood yet, the diagnosis struck me like a bolt of lightning. In that moment, the facade I had constructed shattered, revealing the truth I had long suppressed: motherhood was not just a distant dream but a fervent longing buried deep within.
Embracing the Unexpected Journey
Fast forward several years, and I find myself cradling not one, but two precious daughters in my arms. Despite the initial, and often perpetuating, chaos and uncertainty, my heart overflows with boundless love and gratitude. Each day presents new challenges, but amidst the whirlwind of emotions, I discover the joy that accompanies nurturing life.
I still often feel the weight of my POI diagnosis. It brings with it a torrent of fear about the future, worries about long-term health consequences, regrets, grievances, and even jealousy for friends who seem to be able to pop out children without effort up into their mid 40s while I’m dealing with hot flushes and dry skin & eyes since turning 30 . However, if I hadn’t discovered it the way I did, if I hadn’t advocated for myself or simply listened to the doctors, I wouldn’t be here now, besides my two beautiful girls. Facing a chronic illness and one of my biggest fears forced me to confront reality, confront my past & present, reassess my priorities, to let go of unnecessary baggage, and it compelled me to look deeply into the mirror. All the while, I grappled with the fear of infertility or the rollercoaster of emotions that came with being pregnant. Honestly, these past few years have been the toughest, but they’ve also been the most transformative, and I’m incredibly grateful for every moment of them.
However maybe the biggest discovery is the amount of reflection, humbling and healing the road to parenthood has given me.
Navigating the Rollercoaster of Life
Parenthood is a journey filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. As my daughters grow, I find myself gaining a deeper understanding of both myself and the world around me. Amidst the chaos, moments of clarity arise, revealing the profound beauty woven into the fabric of life.
Half of the past 5 years I have spend totally obsessing about getting pregnant and reading all I could get my hands on about infertility, running from acupuncture appointments to ozon therapy, eating like a health monk, spending a fortune on supplements and the occasional tarot card reading on Etsy. The other half I was spent contemplating my past, discovering the underlying dynamics of my own childhood that became painfully clear reflected in my day to day relationships. I learned how to set boundaries for the first time in my life (still learning), I cried, talked and finally feel like i have fully landed on planet earth (it was about time)
As the fragments of my life slowly come together, and the winds of chaos begin to still, I finally find moments to pause, reflect, and write. It’s a chance to make sense of everything that has transpired, to focus on the present, and to envision the kind of life I aspire to create moving forward. Through writing, I unearth a sanctuary where thoughts find voice and emotions find resonance. The tumultuous journey of motherhood becomes a narrative worth sharing, a testament to resilience, love, and the unyielding human spirit.
The Journey Continues
In the genesis of Two Hands Full, lies a tale of courage, vulnerability, and unwavering determination. It is a journey that transcends the confines of personal experience, resonating with all who dare to embrace the unknown. As I embark on this odyssey of self-discovery and growth, I invite you to join me, to walk hand in hand, as we navigate the intricacies of life and love.
Hi There
I'm Mare
I’m the face behind this blog. As a solo mom, every day is a new adventure, and I’m determined to make the most out of life with my two wonderful daughters by my side. Through my journey, I’ve learned to cherish every moment, big or small. From the giggles and laughter to the challenges and tears, each experience shapes our story in its own unique way. Becoming a mother and being a mother didn’t come easy to me so it took a lot of research and thought to get to be more comfortable with my new role in life. And it’s a work in progress. Here in my corner of the internet, I share my thoughts, experiences, and insights as I navigate the highs and lows of motherhood. It’s a journey filled with love, learning, and plenty of surprises along the way.
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